A Brainless Headless Horseman

Headless Horseman

As freshness-expired as Headless Horseman (2007) is, seven teens end up in Wormwood, a mysterious rundown town with no Jiffy Lube™. What it does have, though, is a vengeful headless horseman, called Headless. Cute.

Headless Horseman

HH coincidentally needs seven heads to drop into that boiling tar hole in his garage. This dirty orifice is Hell’s dumbwaiter as a tentacled thingamajig reaches out to snag said offerings, thereby allowing HH to roam the earth. If he doesn’t put the required amount of heads in the pit by midnight, he and the whole town will be sucked down to Hell.

Headless Horseman

Craniums get lopped off, but sadly it’s all done digitally. The best moment – aside from a young supermodel-in-training slowly changing clothes – comes when she drives her  father’s truck right over Horsy’s head and it pops like a grape in pliers. (Major plot spoiler: the Headless Horseman has a head.)

headless Horseman

There’s a third-grade backstory about a priest, enchanted sword and the snake constellation whose stars line up to… Yep, it’s stupid. So is the Headless Horseman himself, who even rides a motorcycle at one point. (Ghost Rider™ is gonna want to have a word with you, pal.)

It takes less than two minutes total for the heads to be cut off. You’re on your own for the movie’s remaining 88.

One Response to “A Brainless Headless Horseman”

  1. In the best trash horror tradition, Jeff’s review has been recycled, rehashed and rehabilitated over at Horrorpecia.com:

    http://horrorpedia.com/2013/07/20/headless-horseman/

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: