Boned By The Bone Eater

The Bone Eater (2007), yet another legend born from ancient Indian folklore, is a 10-foot digital skeleton riding a dust horse whose agenda is to turn you into dust, and snort up your soul powder as if it were cocaine or “Texas gunpowder.”

A construction crew unearths the remains of said craptacular creature, where it wakes up, reassembles itself and hops around after its victims. Just when you thought fighting a monster that wouldn’t make it in the video gaming world could get any worse…it does.

The sheriff, whose half-white man/half Native American (but a full-blooded douche), puts on his Indian clothes and war paint, mounts a horse and rides down the street while spaghetti western music plays. Oh, yeah – he just happened to find a bone sword laying around with which to defeat the creature.

The chicks in this turd-eater are walking centerfolds, but that doesn’t distract from the fact I thought I was renting a porn movie.