Supermodels vs. The Yeti

Abominable

In Abominable (2006), a man crippled in a climbing incident on Suicide Mountain (how did he not see that coming?) has to go back to the very cabin he shared with his mountain wife before she was killed in half by a 1,000 foot freestyle dive into some pointy rocks. Something about grief therapy. Sucks to be him.

Then five supermodels show up and move into a neighboring cabin. One door closes and one door opens for the crippled man.

Abominable

Later, crippled man witnesses an attack on one of the girls. The supermodels argue about what to do, and one of ’em gets a drink thrown in her face. You know what that means – a hot soapy shower.

Through binoculars the crippled man watches her slowly scrub all that sticky vodka off her bountiful geography, and sees a hairy arm bash through the bathroom window and pull the screaming-yet-sparkling clean woman through it, which snaps her in half.

Abominable

The hairy armed creature then busts into the house and in one knee-splappingly funny scene, punches his way through the ceiling, grabs the girl on the second floor, then bites her neck as though it were a chocolate-covered raccoon.

Abominable

From this point on it’s a game of hide and shriek, with the monster redefining the term “fast food.” And the creature? Bigfoot has a cousin. From that snow-covered place. You know who/what it is. Don’t make me assign homework.

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