Sci-Fi Pie


Here’s an alternative lifestyle sci-fi movie to ponder. In Pi (1998), a mathematician guy is obsessed with finding the numerical order of the universe amongst all the chaos that is our stinking lives. And to think he could’ve been a janitor. (FYI: Pi is a mathematical constant, kinda like a “Row, Row, Row Your Boat” of equations.)


His quest is to find the mathematical code to predict the stock market. (In Vegas they call this “Keno”). A cutthroat corporation wants the keys to Wall Street and supplies the man with a super computer chip to assist his work. Meanwhile, a bunch of renegade left-wing Orthodox Jews want the code, as it was foretold to reveal the true name of God. (It’s Jerry. All praise Jerry.)


The math man has yet another monkey on his back – he’s prone to seizures and hallucinations of sticky brains in the subway and bathroom sink. (Ajax™ should be able to get rid of it with just a little scrubbing. Not Pine-sol™, though. That crap will make your bathroom smell like a friggin’ super pine cone.) And there’s an unpleasant piercing noise in his head that randomly goes off like a car alarm. (That actually seems like it’d be kinda fun.)


In the end he takes care of all his problems by introducing his cerebellum to his new friend the power drill. Finally he’s at peace as his noggin can no longer process numbers due to the brainectomy.


Filmed in black and white, π (pronounced “pie,” as in math speak, not as in pumpkin) is slow-moving but gritty cool, though overly artsy. Clearly they needed some boobies to take this movie to the next level. That, or some pumpkin pie. With some Cool Whip™ maybe.

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