French, Casually Dressed – and Dead

They Came Back

Leave it to the French to wreck a good zombie movie premise. Without any warning or the frantically ringing of bells, hundreds of recently dead people begin showing up in a small city. Mostly older folks, these zombies were neither decaying nor oozing gunk from their primary orifices. In fact, they look like they just came from a Jimmy Buffet concert.

They Came Back

The city council convenes and decides to give the undead emergency shelter (?), food (?) and their old jobs (?) back. (They no longer need medical withheld from their paychecks, though.)

They Came Back

These returnos can do almost everything they used to do before their born-on freshness date expired, but something isn’t quite right. Instead of dancing or eating brains, the zombies are methodically working on a project out in the woods. They’re building a vast tunnel system under the city – to go back to their graves! Apparently, being alive a second time sucked as much as the first.

They Came Back

They Came Back (2004) moves as slow as the undead themselves, climaxing with the military gassing ’em as they meander towards their underground resting hole. This confuses the viennoiseries outta me – if the dead were returning to their graves, what was the point of having the military go after them and use up expensive gas that could be used on les hippies.

There are reasons no one likes France…and this flick is one of them.

P.S. Dear France: just kidding. Love your tarts – the pastries AND your ladies who don’t shave their legs/arm pits. (OK, maybe not that last one.)

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