That ’70s Vampire

Dracula A.D. 1972

Dracula A.D. 1972 is also known as Dracula Chelsea ’72. Totally not marketable, that aka title.

Van Helsing, Dracula’s polar opposite of BFF, has a descendant – Jessica, a hot, young swinging ’70s London gal who has trendy occult parties with her equally swingin’ pals.

As fate would have it, Jessica Van Helsing is friends with Johnny Alucard, a guy whose last name is Dracula in reverse. Fascinating. That he even looks like his great-great-great uncle/dad/whatever, even more so.

Dracula A.D. 1972

Johnny convinces the gang to hold a Black Mass ceremony/keggar on an abandoned church, the same church where 100 years ago Dracula was made hole-y by Van Helsing, who had the iconic vampire’s heart at stake.

Dracula A.D. 1972

Drac’s remains remain. So to really get the party in high gear, some resurrection action is needed. Hard to keep track of the major players and all the necking, by those with lips and those with teeth.

Dracula A.D. 1972

Dracula, reborn from beneath the unmown lawn outside, has blood red eyes. Visine™, once it’s invented, should take care of that embarrassing problem. His revenge: turn Van Helsing’s descendant into a blood licker. Snappo!

Dracula A.D. 1972

Lots of abnormally red blood and heaving cleavage. Not a lot of thrills, though, except for the cleavage part. Dracula looks timelessly cool and is still mega-pissed off at having sharp sticks stuck in his best shirt. Can you blame him? That sh*t hurts.

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