Zit-Covered Frankenstein

I Was A Teenage Frankenstein

It’s all about Professor Frankenstein this time, thank you. The modern day professor, along with Dr. Karlton, conspire to build a working human out of parts of corpses. I’m sure I heard of a similar plot, but where? 

I Was A Teenage Frankenstein

Frankenstein does not store his body parts in freezer bags, but rather drawers, not unlike where you keep your folded socks, hankies and prophylactics. What body parts are deemed freshness-expired get tossed to an alligator, also stored in the lab. That’s why he’s a professor – he thinks of everything.

I Was A Teenage Frankenstein

A car wreck yields fresh stock, that of some dude. When he’s reassembled, he’s one real mirror cracker, what with his entire head looking like Play-Doh™ gone wild, and tufts of hair augmenting an eyeball bulging to the point of squish popping.

I Was A Teenage Frankenstein

The monster gets loose, kills a little here, murders a little there, and generally misbehaves. Frankenstein commands the science abomination to dispatch a super handsome high school athlete, so he can graft that face onto the head of the monster. It works because hey, Frankenstein.

I Was A Teenage Frankenstein

Unfortunately, the monster overhears Frankenstein’s plan to take him apart, ship the pieces back to London, and reassemble him there, kinda like Ikea™ furniture, but with more stitches. (It’s way cheaper to do it that way as shipping to England is cost prohibitive.) Here’s where the monster gets to chime in with his opinion, backed by the ever-supportive alligator.

I Was A Teenage Frankenstein

I Was A Teenage Frankenstein (1957) is pretty cool stuff, though by today’s standards and practices it’s a tired story told over and over to the point where you just wanna throw yourself in an alligator pit. Don’t do that – Frankenstein will just have to put you all back together again in some other movie.

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