Scarecrows – A Roll In The Hay


When a group of para-military criminals rob a three million dollar payroll in Scarecrows (1988), then kidnap a pilot and his cutie teenage daughter and hijack a plane so that they find a mall in which to spend their insta-cash, you’d think the Army, with all their extra aircraft, guns and soldiers would be hot on their tail. Not so much as a weather balloon was deployed. This, of course, gives the criminals extra time to fly/dink around, looking for a place to land.


One criminal, though, decides to parachute out with the cash, which is in a box the size of refrigerator. The others go after him, meaning to shoot him with their bullet-loaded guns ’n stuff. The chick criminal stays in the plane and has their captives circle around, keeping her eye on the loot and directing traffic from above. This goes on for 15 minutes. Still no cops.


Everyone eventually lands in an abandoned farm area surrounded by socially f’d up scarecrows. (The farmhouse is empty as well, probably because the scarecrows ate everyone inside. That’s what I believe, anyway.) But the scarecrows, incredibly, don’t like people, and hack ’em up good.


The double criminal finds this out the hard way as he gets ripped open and stuffed with hay and stolen cash. And the straw used for the impromptu taxidermy is evil. So yeah, everyone becomes fertilizer.


The gore is delightful, the dialogue loaded with more corn than the cornfield everyone’s dying in, and the mullet haircuts on all the guys look like Rambo are “party on” stylish. (This movie was made in 1988, so at least that part made sense).

What everyone is dismayed to discover is that bullets don’t kill scarecrows. Apparently, no one thought to light a match. Isn’t that what you do when something stinks?

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