Frankenhooker

Frankenhooker

After his fiancé Elizabeth was run over by a remote-controlled power mulcher and turned into a “human tossed salad,” the grief-stricken Jeffrey Franken, a New Jersey electrical repairman, vows to put her back together. (In his spare time he dabbles in reanimating body parts – a brain with an eyeball – although he failed several medical exams and doesn’t quite have a degree in medicine.)

Since her head was the only thing left undamaged by the lawn mower, he browses through 42nd Street hookers for the most desirable additions to rebuild his girlfriend. He hires seven prostitutes and pays them to “play doctor,” where he pretends to get his freak on by measuring their body parts.

Frankenhooker

The girls, though, discover a bag of Super Crack™ in his medical bag and proceed to party. Tops and bottoms come off, although hooker work uniforms don’t have a whole lot of fabric to begin with. Here’s where this 1990 gem turns into legend: smoke begins leaking out of their orifices and kaBOOM! – exploding hookers all over the place. Now Jeffrey has the body parts he needs.

Successfully reanimated (with purple mini-skirt, purple purse and purple boobs), Elizabeth picks up where she left off…looking for guys to “party” with. Clearly, the hooker DNA has kicked in and she heads back to 42nd St. to make an honest living.

Frankenhooker

The guys she “hooks” up with – a fat and balding mayonnaise salesman – also explodes during sex due to the transference of the electrical impulse embedded in her body. You’ll have to ask Jeffrey for the schematic to see how this works.

Zorro, the pimp who employed the working girls, sees his mark on Elizabeth (a scar tattoo that’s pretty cool) and follows Jeffrey and his segregated soulmate back to New Jersey where he discovers the truth. It gooned him out.

Frankenhooker

These last few moments of Frankenhooker (1990) are outright genius and it involves ALL the remaining body parts kept alive in a freezer locker, immersed in estrogen-based blood serum. (Jeffrey’s formula can only reanimate females).

Frankenhooker

To spoil the ending would just be cruel, so send me $5 and I’ll tell you. Or you could spend $2.99 and rent the movie and find out. I prefer the $5 scenario, though. That said, Frankenhooker is right up there with Lassie Vs. The Loch Ness Monster and Dracula’s Crazy, Crazy Weekend.

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