Arkansas Bigfoot

The Legend of Boggy CreekThere’s a forest monster terrorizing the residents of Fouke, Arkansas. Until they saw it with their own eyes, most thought it was just that fat paperboy with chocolate-fueled zit boils all over his chubby cheeks. But when the darn thing started showing up on their porches and trying the door knobs, people began freaking the hell out.

The monster in question was Bigfoot in the 1972 budget-less docudrama, The Legend of Boggy Creek. I don’t know why the creek was boggy. Maybe that was the sewer infrastructure for Arkansas at the time.

The Legend of Boggy Creek

All the Sasquatch creature wanted was to stop by, shoot the breeze, maybe drink a few beers and talk about what a hot summer it’s been in Fouke. But no, those inhospitable locals just had to go and start shooting at the Bigster. Remind me to never spend any of my vacation dollars in Arkansas.

Most of the movie looked like a Chamber of Commerce promo, depicting the area’s pettable wildlife, postcard worthy trees, lakes brimming with butter-flavored catfish…

Worse than that, there’s some furniture store manager with an acoustic guitar singing songs about the town, and ’ol Fred, the guy who lives in a mud hut on the lake and has never heard of “electricity” or “toothpaste.” That’s just crazy city talk. And he ain’t heard nothin’ about no monster, either. But the beast exists, whether ’ol Fred and his mud-living ways believes it or not.

The Legend of Boggy Creek

When Bigfoot finally shows up, all they have him do is peep through house windows at night, which freaks out the ladies inside. Giving his cranky neighbors the big “Fouke You,” B-foot rallies all over the porch of a house where four guys wearing white T-shirts are protecting the screaming women inside. (The girls were screaming to be let out, and not have to smooch down with those smelly boys.)

The men, armed with shotguns purchased at the local furniture store, manage to get off a few rounds. But since it’s dark and Bigfoot is the color of darkness, they can’t be sure if they hit him or not. (They didn’t.)

The Legend of Boggy Creek

Allegedly based on a true story (that part is confirmed – all Arkansas men wore white T-shirts back in 1972), the Fouke Monster is still thought to wiggle door knobs to this day. As for this tedious movie, it wiggles a handle alright – the one on your toilet.

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