Die Monster Die

Die Monster Die!Mention the weirdo Whitley family in the 1965 semi-horror classic Die Monster Die! and you’ll get a big face of nothing. Seems the weirdo Whitleys, who have reputed allegiances with the Devil (don’t jump to conclusions – I said reputed), aren’t too popular with the local devil-fearing community. What a bunch of uptights.

The stone cold silent treatment is what happened to Stephen Reinhart, a young man/scientist traveling all the way to the super far away village to get some blouse massagin’ time with Susan Whitley, his college skirt. Either she really pays out or he’s quite the dumbass.

Die Monster Die!Arriving at a monstrous mansion that looks where Dracula might throw a rave, Stephen is asked by the mom (from behind really lovely curtains) to get her daughter permanently out of the house. But Nahum Whitley (the legendary Boris Karloff), the wheel-chair bound patriarch, wants Stephen to get the hell outta there, oh and to piss off while he’s at it.

Die Monster Die!Looking more a street fighter than scientist, Stephen toughly hangs around and discovers the Whitley family secret – giant mutated creatures locked behind cage door, oversized plants that grow tomatoes the size of regulation basketballs, and a glowing green meteor in a deep well that was clearly designed for satanic sacrifices. You’d think these things weren’t somehow linked together, but don’t be simple.

Die Monster Die!Die Monster Die! is bubbling with highly atmospheric and gloomy, with neato visuals and mutated creatures. But the action takes a while to pick up green glowing steam. When it does pick up green glowing steam, things get abstract and confusing, with the explanation of it all being based on science fiction instead of science fact.

My science doors swing both ways, so I can go with the flow.

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