Medical Horrors

Sick NursesSick Nurses, a 2008 Thailand-made horror flick, makes about as much sense as non-alcoholic beer. Six nurses – all 18-to-22 supermodels – and a handsome doctor in a hospital that doesn’t have any patients, harvests organs from corpses and sells ’em via telemarketing techniques (phone, mostly).

Sick NursesOne of the nurses is engaged to marry the doctor, but he already knocked up her sister, one of the other nurses. That isn’t the only secret he’s kept under his belt– he’s had affairs with all of the nurses. He’s also bisexual and has been seeing a dude on the side, who also wants to marry him. (He says no because he can’t marry a man. Oh sure, you’ll play Cambodian Wheelbarrow with him, but won’t make it official? Heartbreaking.)

Sick NursesThe twisted sister screams that she’s going to the police to blow the lid off the arms trade. The other nurses hold her down and stab her to death, putting her next in line to be harvested. It’s win/win…until her spirit comes back seven days later for a little wheelhouse slap.

Each nurse gets the stinky end of her revenge, tailored to each girl’s personality quirk. An exercise nurse gets a work-out trying to get out of a hair cocoon. Another nurse, with an eating disorder, is forced to eat scalpel blades, which cut off the lower half of her face. Twin sister nurses are given the double whammy, with the spirit forcing one to saw off the limbs of the other. While alive, of course.

Sick NursesThe ghost – blonde hair, rot-black skin – is not done, unleashing a zombie horde of nurses with hair-wrapped faces to go after the last one standing. And to top it all off, it’s raining outside. That’s just so cruel.

There is a twist end to this confusing mess, which involves the man who wants to marry the other man, but the other man won’t marry him. Even more weird is the end credits, which show all the girls frolicking at the beach in small bikinis, laughing and having fun as though none of ’em had been dismembered and/or face-sliced at all. (They must’ve shot that footage before the movie.)

Sick Nurses sure wears out its patients – and your patience.

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