Dracula Vs. Frankenstein

Dracula vs. Frankenstein

Not since Peanut Butter vs. Jelly has there been an anticipated mash-up as Dracula vs. Frankenstein (1971). Sort of.

This Dracula is Jewish with Brady Bunch hair, a moustache and goatee, gold disco chains, black cape and a voice that sounds like it’s echoing through an empty can of Folgers™. And not one that housed dark coffee crystals, either. While being driven around in a car he says stuff like, “I am known as the Count of Darkness, the Lord of the Manor of Corpathia – turn left.”

Dracula vs. FrankensteinFrankenstein’s face looks like half mashed potatoes left in the fridge for not less than two weeks.

Dracula vs. FrankensteinDracula’s street name is Zandor Vorkov. He promises a handicapped carnival descendant of Dr. Frankenstein immortality in return for the resurrected monster. The mad scientist, whose helper is a mute Lon Chaney making “I just made boom boom in my pants” facial expressions, has been experimenting on young girls whose heads are chopped off with an axe and then reattached. Just like plugging in a toaster.

Dracula vs. FrankensteinThe promised fight takes place in the woods where Dracula easily rips off both Frankenstein’s arms, then his head. (In all fairness, they weren’t attached that well to begin with.) You’d think Dracula would have the upper hand since he now has both of Frankenstein’s. But the parted out monster proves in the end that severed heads aren’t as dumb as they look.

You will be, though, if you can sit through this without ripping your own arms off out of boredom.

One Response to “Dracula Vs. Frankenstein”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: