A Werewolf In Love

Werewolf Boy

If you’re a chick, the last thing you’d want to do is make out with a werewolf. Sure, there are advantages, like not having to shave your legs on date night. But by and large, sticking your tongue in the mouth of a lycanthrope will lead to nothing but big trouble.

Take the new Japanese movie A Werewolf Boy. A chick, now an old woman, encountered said teen wolf in the woods outside her so-called peaceful village. Like Jane to Tarzan, she was drawn to his wild ways and jungle muscles, and decided she must tame this animal for future smoochings and feeling ups.

She taught him to eat using her uptown city manners. She taught him how to wear clothes (probably purchased from Wool-Mart). Speaking, writing and other disgusting human traits were also instructed upon. (Just like a woman to want to change a fella.) And through all of this they fell in love. Yuck.

But cross-species romances are frowned upon within the Republican-controlled village, and this Sally had to leave her Hairy so that he wouldn’t be hunted down and made the lunch special at Royal Pitchfork Buffet.

Before cutting the ropes on their relationship, she promises that she’ll come back for him. That’s just great. Now she’s old and looks like a raisin and smells like Vicks Vapo-Rub™. What werewolf would want her now? Regardless, she gets a phone call all these years later and decides she must stop knitting and go to the beast that won her heart.

So yeah, A Werewolf Boy is a love story. Movies about werewolves should never be romance novels adapted to the big screen. They should be violent and gory or pornos. Werewolves that emote are no good to anybody.

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