Nice Clothes: The Devil’s Paternity Suit

Rosemary's BabyHere’s some news that’ll add some yipes to the stripes in your shorts: Rosemary’s Baby, a 1967 best seller and 1968 landmark horror movie with an ensemble cast that didn’t have Dracula in it (those snobs), is being released by The Criterion Collection. I know, right? Those guys always go through the archives with a fine-tooth toothbrush and top load the re-release with all sorts of bitchin’ cool extras. (I’d list ’em, but I’m kinda stinking drunk right now – thank you splecheck!)

Rosemary's Baby

Being released right in time for Halloween 2012, (the Christian holiday, not the overdone movie franchise), the Roman Polanski-directed film “stars a revelatory Mia Farrow as a young mother-to-be who grows increasingly suspicious that her over friendly elderly neighbors and self-involved husband are hatching a satanic plot against her and her baby. In the decades of occult cinema Polanski’s ungodly masterpiece has spawned, it’s never been outdone for sheer psychological terror.”

Apparently, they’ve never seen Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure (1985) on ’shrooms.

Just for splits ’n wiggles, I pulled up Rosemary’s Baby as a horror refresher, and, loaded on Budweiser and shiitakes, have this to say about it…

A young couple moves to New York where they can be close to all that big city life has to offer: music, the arts, fine dining, sex with the Devil

Their 19th Century apartment building is loaded with devil-worshippers, even though they wear non-evil clothes ’n stuff. After sucking down some chocolate mousse thoughtfully brought over as a house-warming gift by said devil-worshippers, Rosemary, the young wife, passes out, only to wake up later, describing a horrible dream where she was knockin’ hooves with the Devil.

Rosemary's Baby

Couple weeks later shes pregnant. I took me a while to figure out who the father was. I don’t know why. Rosemary was chosen to bear the son of Satan for whatever reason. Couldn’t figure that out, either. And I’m still trying to find out the recipe for Pass Out Chocolate Mousse. Seems there’s money to be made there. The Devil stuff, though, is kinda corny, but effective. I don’t know why.

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