Bigfoot – A Star Among Stars

Bigfoot

If you’re gonna do a movie about Bigfoot, you may as well state the obvious and call it Bigfoot. A little flat – especially when you could pump up the billboard with “The Killing Spree of…”, “The Secret Erotic Life of…”, or simply “The Time Traveling Adventures of…” added to the title. But hey, if anything, the name Bigfoot™ is a marketable international brand. If that can’t carry a film, what/who can?

Greg Brady, Danny Partridge

Bigfoot, being prepped for regurgitation by The Asylum, a film collective that doesn’t have an original thought in its head, includes two more marquee added values: Danny Bonaduce, the original bass player for The Partridge Family, and Greg Brady (who later changed his name to the boring but serviceable Barry Williams), eldest brother of the Brady Bunch/clan. Even if Bigfoot does a walk-on cameo, both of Hollywood’s brightest stars can take this one all the way to the box office.

Barry Williams, Danny Bonaduce

Shown above is how Barry and Danny look today. They appear happy and at peace with their glitzy past. The same can’t be said for Bigfoot, who – as illustrated below – hasn’t aged well. From his Yoda-esque days as a little chimp off the ’ol block, to the haggard, redwood swinging man beast he is today, clearly the relentless stress of constantly being pursued by tourists with cameras and hunters with bullets has taken its toll on a once high-steppin’ man about town.

Little Foot, Bigfoot

As for Bigfoot the movie, expect it to show up on the SyFy Channel™, the dumping ground for all sub-quality horror/sci-fi. Not sure what the movie is about, though. Maybe Bigfoot kidnaps Marcia Brady (“The Secret Erotic Life of…”) and Barry/Greg enlists the aid of Sam the Butcher to rally the rest of the Bunch to rescue her. And then Danny writes and performs a song about it.

We can only pray this is what goes down.

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