Halfway Between Human And Zombie

The Returned

It’s pretty much a given if you live in a country that has the basics (electricity, personal hygiene products, 7-Eleven™), that country will jump on the living dead movie bandwagon. Hence, The Returned, another in a l-o-n-g line of zombie movies being made on a daily basis, this one coming from Barcelona (in Spain, just up the coast from Valencia).

Despite the fact that everything in Spain ends with a vowel, The Returned is about a chick who works in a hospital (“centro médico”), changing bed pans for people infected by YET ANOTHER virus that turns people into zombies. Here’s twist – this chick’s husband is stricken and one of the returned.

The Returned

While this makes snuggle time a bit of a health/romance risk, Kate, the doctor chick, has a more dangerous element to deal with besides her own husband taking her out to eat. Ahem. A bunch of thugs that make up the Anti-Return groups, has been making repeated and brutal attacks on the dead. I don’t see the problem here; it’s not like the gangstas are hurting the zombies. When you’re dead, pain, along with bladder control, is one of those things that goes right out the window.

So you can see the hook here – Kate needs to keep her undead husband from being beaten into tomato juice by the Anit-Return groups (they do good work). There’s also something about Return Protein that either keeps the infection from making permanent jock itch all over your husk, or acts as a moisturizer for dead skin. I could be way off on this – not sure which, if at all, because I don’t speak fluent Barcelonan.

Regardless, find out for your own infectado self when The Returned, in pre-production as of this writing (7:52 in the morning – I couldn’t sleep), arrives sometime in 2012, which I believe is this year or next.

I don’t do well when I’m deprived of nappy time.

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