The Horror of Rock ’n Roll

Deadtime

Rock ’n roll themed horror movies, more prevalent in the late ’80s/early ’90s, are sadly far and few between. The most recent one, Suck (2009, a vampire rock comedy starring Alice Cooper, Iggy Pop, Henry Rollins, and that little electronic noise-making scamp, Moby), was the last I can recall. Now comes Deadtime, a rock slasher movie coming from England, birthplace of slashers. (Jack the Ripper, remember?)

Arriving in the UK on DVD on May 14, 2012, the generically-titled Deadtime revolves around the rock ’n metal band, Love Meets Murder. While I don’t own any of their illegally downloaded MP3s or over-priced tour shirts, that’s no reason to slash each band member to death. (I’ll leave that to the critics.) But a psycho slasher is on the loose and just bought tickets to their demise.

Deadtime

The trailer is loaded with lots of bloody festivities, though seeing a killer in a potato sack mask seems less than impressive. (When, oh when will a slasher use a flour sack mask? Flour makes bread. I eat bread. I often make bread rock even harder with the liberal application of peanut butter.)

Outside of Suck, which was funnier than heckaroo, another obscure horror rock movie that needs to be revisited is Shock ’em Dead (1990), where fast food nerd sells his soul to a crusty demonic voodoo woman with questionable hygiene to become the world’s greatest rock star in a band called Spastique Kolon.

Shock 'Em Dead Of course, such demonic deals always come with a price, this being that the nerd is turned into a guy with big hair who has a guitar with two necks, pointing east and west – one for each hand. In rock star form he gets chicks who’ll do it with him for no other reason than he looks famous, even though he doesn’t have a record out.

Shock 'Em DeadPorn vet Traci Lords is in this charmer, but sadly doesn’t take her clothes off. The rock star’s hands are played by real life guitar wank Michael Angelo, who perfected the double-handed cheese guitar maneuver back in the late ’80 – and still does it to this day. [see YouTube™] During his “audition” for the band, Angel (the rock star) gives their limp-wristed lead singer the boot, not because he isn’t talented, which his day-glo spandex and headband indicate HE IS, but because he stuffs. [see YourTube] His reaction to the demonic rock star after a two-handed solo that burns everyone’s faces off: “Every f*cking retard thinks he’s a rock star; I’ve made better sounds on the pot.” 

I’m hoping he was referring to the harmless gateway drug and not the heralded porcelain receptacle.

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