Planet Dead

Planet Dead

It was so much nicer around here when there weren’t 100 zombie movies coming out every month. Most of the population was uninfected; ripe faces, like so many unpicked cherries, were left uneaten; quarantine zones were nothing more than urban pea patches surrounded by white picket fences; and the military, with no undead to gun down, just shot people in other countries.

Those days are but fond memories as zombie films, like the undead themselves, simply won’t die. Hence, the upcoming Planet of the Dead, YET ANOTHER zombie movie. Clearly, there’s a plaque that’s been unleashed – and it’s all these movies with the same flippin’ plot being released as fast as the one-page scripts can be written.

Planet DeadPlanet Dead’s story line is not going to win any awards for originality: “The world falls into chaos after a rogue scientist unleashes a virus that turns the living and the dead into flesh eating monsters.”

“A Special Forces Team is sent into a growing danger zone to recover the cure from the scientist, but as they enter the hot zone they must seek refuge in a nearby nightclub with a few civilians as they wait for the rescue chopper to arrive. Armed with limited ammo they must battle the ever growing number of once human monsters.”

Planet Dead

What is memorable about Planet Dead is that it was done on a budget that rivaled what I paid for some new pants down at the mall. (I love going to the mall.) Looking at the trailer, while the explosions and assorted cheesy special effects are all done digitally (it’s a tad pricey to blow up the neighborhood with real rocket launchers), the sheer number of zombie extras mean either the filmmakers have a lot of friends who will work for pizza, or they promised an entire town fame by way of a screen credit.

Planet Dead

Despite my growing dissatisfaction with cash-in zombie movies, a message to the producers of Planet Dead: I sincerely hope your movie makes trillions of dollars and that you’ll never have to work again a day in your uninfected lives. This will leave you with more time to make other types of films, like porn for instance. There can never be enough of that genre of horror movie.

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