Zombie Criminals

Eerie 13Seems you can’t wake up with morning wood anymore to not find YET ANOTHER zombie movie coming out. The unexplainable outbreak of zombie flicks can best be summed up by a quote from Army Capt. Rhodes from 1985’s Day of the Dead as he was being eaten alive by a zombie horde: “Choke on it….aagghhh, eeewwww, aaaggghh!” (I added the sound effects, but don’t know how to spell ’em correctly. Don’t judge me.)

Eerie 1313 Eerie is the YET ANOTHER zombie movie headed your way. (Not mine. I’m giving up on the living dead. OK, not really.) In this one a half dozen forensic undergrads embark on a science field trip to a remote island, with hopes of scoring a trainee job opening with the FBI. (If they’re lucky, they may get to work on a case with Mulder and Scully and… Sorry, I just miss the X-Files so much.)

Eerie 13The island was previously used as a tropical petri dish, testing illegal biological gunk on career criminals. Experiment didn’t work? Leave ’em to decompose amidst the island’s plentiful coconuts and monkey butlers. But when the students get to the island, the rotting/resting place is compromised (somebody probably dropped a steamer on an unmarked grave), and the criminals, now zombies, rise up and hunt down the humans for snacking and such.

Zombie movies like 13 Eerie don’t really need a plot, just a premise. Once the antagonists and the protagonists are violently introduced to each other, it becomes a formula of running, screaming, hiding, bleeding, the crapping of pants and chewing with mouth open.

Katharine IsabelleThe one bright spot is that 13 Eerie feature the delicious Katharine Isabelle, the centerfold-worthy star of the Ginger Snaps werewolf franchise. Katharine has yet to answer any of my multiple e-mails inviting her to a make out session (and Ginger Snaps third sequel script pitch) in the back of my 1973 Chevy Nova with broken driver’s side handle that forces me to get in on the passenger side. She might reconsider – I don’t leak nearly as much as my car.

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