Night of the Living Sushi

Dead SushiSushi is raw fish meat served on vinegared rice (smells like a feminine hygiene product) and wasabi (neck-melting green paste). Sashimi is sliced raw fish without the bling. Dating as far back as 1893, sushi, which translates to “sour-tasting,” is eaten by a million billion people on a daily basis. No one knows who the first brave and apparently starving to death soul was to stick a raw fish in their mouth, but my exhaustive research points directly to Sméagol, that little f’d up homeless dude in Lord of the Rings (2001).

GollumSo how come it’s taken so long for filmmakers to exploit one of the most popular forms of food ever not made in a deep fryer? Thankfully, that day has come. Dead Sushi, a Japanese zombie food film, is headed for a dinner plate near you sometime in 2012.

As first reported by BeyondHollywood.com, in Dead Sushi, those little delicious chunks of fish come to life and become carnivorous, eating your tongue, tastebuds and ultimately your face. Unsuspecting people walk into sushi restaurants, or “bait shops,” stick some himachi in their yap, and the next thing you know, you’re bleeding out of your primary orifice and you become a sushi zombie. I don’t exactly know what a sushi zombie is, but it’s gotta be awesome.

Dead SushiAnd because the subject matter needs a light touch, Dead Sushi is being served by Noboru Iguchi, the chef behind such hyper-violent and crazy hypnagogic (sorry – thesaurus.com) The Machine Girl (2008), Robo-Geisha (2009) and Karate-Robo Zaborgar (2011). It’s important to note that Zaborgar is part karate expert, part motorcycle and all robot. That is so awesome.

Dead SushiFor as long as humankind has been biting food, it’s about time food bit back. So I’m hungry to see Dead Sushi. And hey, you get to see two pieces of sushi having sex. When was the last time… Never mind.

Dead SushiThere are over 100 varieties of sushi, only half of which smell like your ex. That said, Jaws is the ultimate sushi, followed by Aqua Mothra, Whalesaurus, Carnivi-Mermaid and, of course, the Loch Ness Monster (the one that snacks on people, not the ham that’s always posing for blurry pictures). And they’ll swallow you with rice and wasabi or ala cart. The best part – they all play with their food before they eat it.

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