Animals: Zombies From Down Under

AnimalsWant YET ANOTHER zombie movie? Of course you do. Animals, an upcoming undead flick, comes from Australia Town, and is a metaphor as opposed to four-legged flesh-eaters eating your legs off. (Too bad – I like zombie doggies.) Animals also a mix of love, sacrifice, a global pandemic, and zombies biting your face/legs off.

AnimalsAfter the pandemic, a guy in love discovers his soulmate/pillow partner, someone he hasn’t seen in two years (yeesh, is this guy whipped our what?), goes deep into the Red Zone in a massive reserve to rescue her. (The Red Zone is a lot like the Blue Zone, except redder and less bluer.) In that quarantined crimson parameter is a laboratory bailed on when the plague hit the fan. And here’s where things go off the track – lovestruck dumbass must confront the demons of his past to survive all this maladies malarkey. (My demons are unpaid bar tabs. While we’re on the subject, I’ll gladly pay you Tuesday for a malt liquor today.)

AnimalsAccording to the movie’s website, the quarantine zones are divided by a huge wall running a bunch of kilometers (or “miles”) horizon to horizon. That’s a lot of bricks. Pink Floyd should write a song about that. Anyone infected has to sit it out for two freakin’ years on one side, while all the cool people hang out, drink medicine and eat medium rare Roo sandwiches on the other side. To give it all some fun factor, there are tunnels, smuggling rat runners and love as it can be applied to tunnels and rat runners.

AnimalsWith a title like Animals, I pretty much expected the movie to be about putrified puppies and maybe fuzzy undead cats. When you think about it, there’s not much difference between regular animals and zombie animals – both will bite your face off, crap on the lawn, and chase the paperboy and chew his legs off, gnawing for hours afterward on the sinewy flavor.

I have got to lay off the malt liquor.

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