Black Forest: Weeding Out The Horror

Black ForestBlack Forest: Hansel and Gretel & The 420 Witch is another horror movie that uses DRUGS as its raison d’etre. (Sorry – French word of the day calendar.) A re-imagining of the iconic Grimm fairy tale about two kids being lured into a witch’s condo to be fattened up with candy and then oven-roasted for a trans-fat heavy meal, Black Forest has the witch enticing the kids with her special blend of marijuana. Once baked, the dealer, uh witch puts the pot in crock pot, cooks them and eats them. (Hope she skinned ’em first – that stuff isn’t healthy.)

So why does she do this? Because she needs to consume their chewables to maintain her youth and beauty. (Elizabeth Bathory did kinda the same thing, but did her makeover in a jacuzzi filled with the blood of young virgin girly girls.)

Before you star waving your “Just Say No To Drugs” banner around, know that Black Forest doesn’t use kids, but rather teenagers. Teens are gonna experiment with drugs no matter how many TV commercials warn them not to. So let ’em pay the metaphoric consequences and get cooked. Twice.

Black ForestBlack Forest (believed to be releasing in April 2012) further spins this tale into contemporary settings, putting everyone in Pasadena, or “Pot Town, USA.” The “forest” part is (in their words) an immense indoor hydroponic marijuana farm, and is described as being a cross between Edgar Wright and Pineapple Express, as well as being very gory. Sounds groovy, man.

I knew an Edgar in junior high school. He got into the pot and ended up being a career hippie. He’s now in jail for eating teenagers after getting wasted on a bale of Mother Nature and waking up with stage four munchies. So yeah, like, don’t do drugs or something.

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