I Eat Cannibals

Eddie, The Sleepwalking CannibalMilitant vegetarians like to chastise meat-eaters, but they may want to stay off the radar of cannibals. Mouth off with your celery attitudes to the wrong flesh-chomper, and you’re likely to become a meaty fourth meal. Some would call that irony. I’d call it funny and would slap my knee to illustrate.

Eddie, The Sleepwalking CannibalNormally, we associate the eating of human butt sandwiches with zombies. But cannibals, who’ve been munching skin for decades, are the unsung heroes of flesh-consuming. And while cannibal movies are rare, Canada has stepped up to the dinner plate with Eddie, The Sleepwalking Cannibal, an upcoming horror comedy. After watching the trailer, the movie looks to be pretty tasty.

Eddie, The Sleepwalking Cannibal pairs Lars, a once-famous artist, whose quagmired by a creative block, with a guy who eats human flesh. Forced to take a job teaching art in a Canadian town so small even Mapquest™ ignored it, Lars regards the gig as therapy. Seems the only thing that inspires him to paint is guts, blood and misc. body parts. Understandably, this gooned him out to the point where he stopped smearing canvas.

Eddie, The Sleepwalking CannibalThis all changes when Lars meets Eddie, a guy who eats small animals while out sleepwalking. (Note to vegetarians – this is not double-dipping; meat is meat, whether it’s cooked or not.) While Lars finds this distasteful, it kick starts his creativity and his paintings start selling again. More so when Eddie turns his nocturnal snacking habits to human flesh. Lars can barely keep up with his muse, painting meaty masterpieces as fast as Eddie can swallow.

Eddie, The Sleepwalking CannibalI’m gonna lose a lot of sleep until I get to see Eddie, The Sleepwalking Cannibal. And in case vegetarians object to the subject matter, they need to lighten up. Zombies eat flesh and only flesh, whereas cannibals eat vegetables, fruits and whole grains along with their human butt sandwiches. Healthy eating habits lead to a healthier lifestyle. How can you protest that?

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