The Ghost That Knows The Most

Cassadaga is not only an upcoming horror movie with super icky maggots on the advertising one-sheet, but an actual community in Florida. Weird.

A Seneca Indian word meaning “water beneath the rocks,” Cassadaga – pronounced “Kass-uh-day-guh” (my best guess, anyway) – is for real home to a large number of psychics and mediums, none of which are rare. Heh. There’s so many future-foretellers in the Volusia County community, Cassadaga has been called the “Psychic Capital of the World.” And here all this time that distinction belonged to Mormon owned and operated churches in Utah.

In Cassadaga the movie, I bet Lily, the reasonably attractive older sister of a little girl that was murdered by a school bus, wishes she was psychic. But her grief after little sister was made permanently late for school, forced her to move to Cassadaga, where she encounters a really pissed off ghost during a seance designed to bring closure. Didn’t see that coming. (And her sister didn’t see the bus coming, either. Heh.)

The thing about seance ghosts is that they’ll bug the living crap outta you  until you do what they want, which is to get some closure themselves. In this case, the violently murdered young chick needing Lily to expose a serial killer called Geppetto (wasn’t that Pinnochio’s old man?), a guy who butchers chicks and uses their body parts to make a human puppet. Big deal – Victor Frankenstein was making patchwork humans over 80 years ago. Been there, stitched that.

So while Lily is off playing Cassadaga C.S.I., her sister’s pancaked soul is doomed to walk the lobby between Heaven and Hell. And, if I’m interpreting the movie poster right, to eat maggots – for protein and such.

Rarely am I wrong about such things. The psychic told me so. And it only cost me $125.00 for her to tell me what I already knew. Swish – nothin’ but net!