Hell Bent For Hell

The ClothThe world is going to Hell in a hand basket. People crossing the street without waiting for the “walk” signal… Cats texting dogs… Movie stars not making enough money… And peanut butter and jelly not getting along anymore.

In response, the Catholic Church, freaked out about all of this and the growing cases of demonic possession across the land, forms a secret organization to counteract EVIL, even though no one asked them to. (Just like the Catholic church to overreact – it could be just instances of hellish indigestion.)

The Cloth, an upcoming “action-horror story,” uses this for its pew-making plot. And it gets better – the story “follows a young godless man who is being recruited into the cloth.”

The ClothThe fabric in question is designer clothes made Holy by someone ordained by the church who sprinkles God water on ’em (Dry-cleaning would be preferable.). Talk about a fashion faux paus; if you’re faithless, this cloth will clash with everything in your wardrobe.

As for the young godless man the church is trying to brainwash (only one?), he sounds like an upstanding citizen. My guess is that he’s actually the very demon the church is hoping to wipe clean, like some sort of blessed Scrubbing Bubbles™. I know what you’re thinking – wouldn’t a demon start sneezing and get runny eyes ’n stuff if he walked into a church? Yep. But it’s not like a demon sees the cross and needs to quickly find a restroom to park a righteous steamer. And while we’re on the subject, priest droppings smell simply unholy.

The Cloth is the next in a continuous line of demonic possession movies currently praying for big box office returns: The Last Exorcism/2010 (meh), Devil/2010 (Not bad. Maybe not bad enough); Insidious/2011 (Crap special effects and horror cliches aplenty); 11-11-11/2011 (Quite possibly the worst excuse for anti-religion since the last Slayer album); The Devil Inside/2012 (Evil lite). And because the world is going to Hell in a hand basket, expect more – or at the very least, sequels.

I need to find a sanctioned bathroom and pray to the porcelain god for relief from these types of movies. And this hellish indigestion I’ve been having.

One Response to “Hell Bent For Hell”

  1. Reblogged this on dirtynastywicked's Blog and commented:
    Love the art work…. ♠”DirtyNastyWicked”♠

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