Camel Spiders

Camel SpidersAccording to Wikipedia™, spiders are found worldwide on every continent except for Antarctica, and have become established in nearly every habitat with the exception of air and sea colonization. Clearly, Wikipedia™ doesn’t know what its talking about – there are millions of spiders that live in the ocean, though in the sea they’re referred to as “crabs.” Wiki™ goes on to says that there are approximately 40,000 spider species and 109 families. One question: who the hell counted?

Camel spiders fall into that vast category. And because they grow to the size of living room couches and attack humans, someone finally got around to making a horror movie about our desert crawling, face-eating friend, titled simply enough, Camel Spiders, due out in March of 2012.

Given the science name of Solifugae, these camel spiders have been tormenting our armed forces stationed in the Middle East for years. And that’s where the story takes place (instead of underwater, which might have been more expensive and because sand is pretty cheap by comparison). A bunch of people in a desert area (“Los Sandgeles” – heh) are besieged by these mutant spiders who pursue them with vigor. And because the Volkswagon Bug™ sized bugs are big, they’re extra hungry. Wanna know what your face looks like to a mutant spider? A SANDwich. (Man, I am ON today.)

Cool movie idea, but I can’t wait until someone gives me crabs and…wait…that didn’t come out right.

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