Demon Mermaids

Demon Mermaid SpiritArwah Kuntilanak Duyung. Unless you speak mermaid (or Indonesian), you’re not gonna know what that means. Fortunately, I’m fluent in both tongues, so I got your back. Arwah Kuntilanak Duyung – a December 8, 2011 supernatural flick with comedic overtones from Indonesia Land – translates to Demon Mermaid Spirit. (Still working on the translation for Purple Monkey Dishwasher.)

SplashUsually when one thinks of mermaids, the hot naked one in Splash (1984) comes to mind. Then there’s P.T. Barnum’s “Fiji Mermaid” (aka, “Feejee Mermaid”), a displayed mummified meatloaf-sized corpse of a real mermaid. (I bet it tastes like meatloaf, too. Mermaids are lucky there’s no sea ketchup floating around.)

Fiji MermaidDespite its ominous title, Arwah Kuntilanak Duyung, as mentioned, is loaded with comedic elements. Here’s how the demon mermaid/comedy action goes down: Linda and Ardo, a young couple, live in a beach villa with two servants with the combined intellect of a door knob. When Linda gives birth, those wasteful newlyweds thoughtlessly discard the blood and placenta that comes with squeezing out little bundles of meatloaf. Where does this gunk end up? On the beach. (I highly doubt this stuff is eco-friendly.) And because of this, a supermodel mermaid emerges from the sea to give them all a terrorized lesson in Earth-first policies and practices.

Discarded placenta sounds really, really icky. If I stepped in a pile of that inner goo while walking barefoot on the beach, I’d totally freak out.

Demon of TemptationThere was another vengeful mermaid flick (made in America, where we know how to pronounce movie titles) that came out in 2004 called Demon of Temptation. In this 30-minute tale, the mermaid has a sea shell and octopus bra and stays healthily moist in a bathtub. (If not in the movie, at least on the cover.) Further, a young woman is haunted by said healthy demon mermaid. Only thing left to do is hang your hook into madness and bait it with suicide.

Historically speaking, mermaids have a human upper half and a fish lower half. (I’m really trying to not make any jokes right now.) Swimming the seas topless (it’s better for the environment), mermaids spend all their time combing seaweed and striated hermit crabs out of their hair and auditioning for Mermerican Idol, their annoying Christina Aguilera-esque singing causing boat captains to become distracted, thereby crashing their vessels into painful rocks.

More research, however, is needed in regards to the whole swimming topless thing. We need photos, people; put those smart phones to use.

2 Responses to “Demon Mermaids”

  1. Phil Hayward Says:

    Hi – I’m actually writing an article on mermaid porn – I haven’t seem Demon of Temptation, any idea where I could get a copy

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