Livide Is French For Horror

S’il vous plaît. Ça ne me plaît pas. Laissez-moi tranquille. It’s like those French have a different word for everything. And it’s not like Spanish, where you can kinda figure out the word (“el burrito” =  “the burrito”). And since I speak French about as good as I dress myself in the morning, I had to go online to translate Livide, the title of a new French fantasy horror thriller. It comes up as Livid. Crap on a croissant – I never would’ve figured that out on my own.

Moving forward, Livide is a stylish horror tale involving three teens who break into the remote house of Mrs. Jessel, a comatose old lady, seeking to appropriate her fabled hidden treasure. Mon Dieu! While in the big spooky house, they discover Mrs. Jessel’s real identity (I bet she’s a le vampire). Perfect timing as ol’ lady Jessel just woke from her coma. Au revoir, bitches. (Teenagers make me so livide. For their impudence they deserve the business end of a pied dans l’âne.)

Livide is short but sweet, with a tight running time of 88 minutes. You can do a fair amount of damage to one or more teens in an hour and a half. Firstshowing.net posted a review, saying that “Livid provides all the elements to please a fan of horror from any angle: the scares, the tension, the atmosphere, and, ultimately, the gore. Fans of An American Werewolf in London and/or Halloween III: Season of the Witch are given subtle, but noticeable, Easter eggs.”

Easter eggs? I didn’t know the French were down with our religion.