Chronicle: Sci-Fi Super Teens

ChronicleSeattle is home to many things: Bigfoot, flying saucers, emo vampires, testosterone-y werewolves, me… Now you can add sci-fi super-powered high school students to that illustrious list.

In Chronicle, due out February 3, 2011, three teenage jackasses with a penchant for practical jokes and painful white boy rapping, discover something in the woods that bestows them with superhuman powers. My guess: a half-rack of Budweiser. Hey, it worked  on me. These chuckleheads use their growing abilities to play pranks and to remove superfluous clothing from females. Then things get really fun.

ChronicleIn addition to their powers, which makes them out to be alt-rock X-Men, their dark sides come out and, like all teenagers, abuse their privileges, causing moody destruction and acne-prone problems.

I liked this better when it was called The Craft (1996).

ChronicleExamining the screenshots, the one with a kid sitting all moody pout-y in a junkyard, has the Space Needle in the background. I live here. There’s no car dump on West Seattle’s waterfront. There is an over-priced seafood restaurant (Salty’s on Alki), a walking park land-mined with Canadian geese poop, a greasy fish ’n chips shack, and a water taxi that doesn’t give back change. Because of this false metal depiction of Seattle, I hereby deem Chronicle to be fake. I can believe in teens who can fly and bend cars in half with their minds. But a less-than-hygenic junkyard on our/my scenic waterfront? How dare you.

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