Those Damme UFOs

UFOMove over movie muscle man/all-purpose ass kicker Chuck Norris – mulleted martial arts expert Jean Claude Van Damme is coming to save our world from space invaders. Yeah, you heard me right, you stink aliens…mess with the bull, you get the horns.

As unlikely as Van Damme battling flying saucers is, it makes perfect sense when you add his hot daughter Bianca Bree (what, Van Damme not a good enough last name for you?) as the star of UFO, the 2012 alien invasion movie, and you have an across the board WINNER.

UFOHere’s how the trouble goes down: a group of young friends get up one morning, no doubt after a night of boozin’ and boobie-gropin’, to find that their cell phones don’t work. (That’s enough for some of ’em to jump off a bridge and end their misery.) But they soon discover their problem is global and not just confined to their shallow lives. Then a city-sized UFO arrives, taking up most of the view, and parks itself over a nearby city. (District 9, cough.)

Panicked questions fly like Twitter™ on crack – Is the UFO here to party or smack us? Will society fold like fresh laundry, thereby allowing the visitors to take over and enslave us and make us do their space dishes ’n stuff? Fear not, Earther…Van Damme will save us all.

Mind you, VD’s only taking a support starring role, thereby allowing his daughter to make some money so he doesn’t have to, like, give her his. Even with limited screen time, expect major alien ass kickage to ensue. Know this: Van Damme doesn’t need special effects – he IS a special effect.

UFO arrives in the UK in 2012. I’m already waiting in line.

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