Friday the 13th: The Ultimate Collection

Friday The 13th: The Ultimate CollectionIf you’re a fan of all things hockey and machete, then Friday the 13th: The Ultimate Collection should be right up your wazoo. Not sure what genius came up with the title as this assemblage of Jason’s greatest splits is far from being ultimate.

For starters, none of it is on Blu-ray™. How can splattered entrails be full appreciated in just regular-o-vision? Then there’s the matter of the movies themselves – four are missing. As expertly pointed out, the first eight F13s were released through Paramount, Jason Goes to Hell (1993), Jason X (2002), Freddy vs. Jason (2003) and the 2009 remake (I forget what that was called) are not included, as they were cashed in by New Line Cinemas. (I bet someone over at Paramount has egg all over their hockey mask right about now.)

And while we’re on the subject, a box set of what boils down to the same movie being made over and over seems overkill. (No pun intended.)To save money on the sequels, they should’ve just had Jason working in a slaughterhouse, chopping up meat coming down a conveyor belt. But instead of delicious steaks, tummy-filly hamburgers, sizzling raw bacon and mystery meat hot dogs, he’d be hacking teenagers.

Friday the 13th: The Ultimate CollectionTo be fair – AND I AM – the box set does come with eight billion extras (too many to list because I’m freakin’ LAZY), a book (if I wanted to read, I’d go to the library) and a hockey mask. Sure, you could go out and buy an hockey mask at any sporting goods store, but any serial killer could do that.

Again, if you’re a fan of the longest running one-punch line joke in movie history, then Friday the 13th: The Ultimate Collection belongs in your wazoo. It comes out in October if you give a dang/darn/hoot/crap.

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