Swamphead – The New Face of Horror

SwampheadSwamphead is not only a cool name to have on your birth certificate and/or driver’s license, it’s the title of an almost-done independent horror movie about a severed noggin pulled up out of a swampy lake where it had been holding its breath for some time. Once on the surface and its hair towel dried and styled with some product, the head goes on a killing rampage. I bet if you look up “awesome” in the dictionary, it’ll have Swampy’s picture.

The movie promises a “nightmare of a nightmare of blood, feces, and more head than a night in Tijuana.” One of those things I can do without. But hey, all you German horror fans – it’s all yours.

Swamphead, whose non-buoyant identity is Robert Gross (that’d make for a cool punk rock stage name), is the donor of the head that sits at the bottom of Lake Guillotine (I made up the lake’s name for entertainment purposes.) A bunch of teens happen across an ancient relic and resurrect the head, where it goes on the aforementioned killing spree. (I bet the relic is a fishing pole.)

So how does a severed head kill teens? Biting would be my first guess. I suppose it could throw itself at your stomach like a dodgeball, but with teeth instead of a valve. Or it could spit on you and since its germs are zombified, if you get any spit in your eye you’ll turn into a dead someone.

I’m hoping that the filmmakers have Swamphead’s head being stuffed into a large pipe that turns out to be an ancient cannon that somehow goes off and blasts into the teenagers, killing their faces off. Then they could have Swamphead rolling happily away, singing a nice song or whistling. I’m pretty sure severed heads can still whistle. Or maybe he rolls across a whistle laying on the forest floor and starts honkin’ on that thing. I know I would.

One Response to “Swamphead – The New Face of Horror”

  1. Actually Swamphead is the master of coitus. He’s a lover not a fighter:

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