Chompers – It’s Exactly What You Think It Is

Chompers 3DWouldn’t it suck if regular household objects, like your TV, penis-enlargement pump or toaster could bite your face (or other body parts) clean off? Now that I think about it, that would double suck.

Chompers 3D, an indie horror film in the making as of this blogging, is just that – a shape-shifting creature that takes stuff we take for granted, and bites our faces off. And if that wasn’t enough to ruin your day/face, every time it eats it gets bigger and better at camouflaging. Meaning that the high-fiber breakfast you’re recycling in the bathroom may not be going into the public sewer system after all, but down the throat of a tooth-rimmed monster. Better wipe before it wipes you out. (C’mon, how could I not say that?)

Chompers 3DThe movie and website are in 3D, which puts you right into the mouth of the action. What’s even cooler is they’ll send you a FREE pair of 3D glasses, just for the asking. (I need something to replace my defective X-ray specs.)

Chompers 3D

While scouring the internet for pictures of said monster (it’s pretty much anything sold at Best Buy™, but with teeth), I came across kids shoes called Chompers. I would totally wear these dino-shoes, but they don’t come in my size. Ironically, if the Chomper monster bit my feet in half, the shoes would fit nicely.

I’m not a slave to fashion, so I’ll pass on the stylish evening wear shoe thing. I will, however, stand in line to see Chompers, because I’m pretty sure my toaster, which snaps at my fingers every time the frozen waffles are medium rare, stars in it. Stupid toaster. I hate him so much. But until someone comes up with a non-mutilating way to defrost highly-nutritious breakfast food, then I’m stuck in Hell.

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