Chopper: A Movie, A Motorcycle And A Career Choice

ChopperChopper, an upcoming horror movie/comic featuring a guy with a chopped head on a chopper (that’s kinda funny), is a contemporary spin on the Legend of Sleepy Hollow, the story about a headless vengeful spirit on horseback who throws flaming pumpkins at you, which could’ve been used for pies and such. Substitute a motorcycle for a shiny pony, a topless tattoo artist for the headless ghost of a Hessian trooper who had the misfortune of catching a stray cannonball with his face, and real heads used in place of seasonal garden squash, and you have a convenient way to waste 90 or so minutes of your time.

I Bought A Vampire Motorcycle

While the story is as played out as emo vampires, it got me thinking about other horror/sci-fi motorcycles and why I don’t have one to exact my revenge on something. The first hell bike to come to mind is the one in I Bought A Vampire Motorcycle (1990) a woeful tale about a biker gang who kills an occultist, who was in the middle of conjuring a demon. The demon spirit, all messed up and nowhere to go, inhabits the soul of a motorcycle and it starts up on the first kick. Say what you will about demons, they’re really good at cold starts.

Then there’s the wicked cool Bat Bike from The Dark Knight/2008. That thing had it all, from super wide tires for criminal squashing, to axle-mounted machine guns for criminal aerating.

The future motorcycle in Priest (2011) looks like it was made out of a jet turbine, and could cause a lot of turbulence for whoever is standing on the sidewalk when it comes rocketing by, trying to get around a stoplight and/or evading future cops.

The Dark Knight, PriestEven though it doesn’t have an engine, the Saw (2004) motorcycle is exceptional for its sparse design, smooth lines and unmatched mileage (30 screams per gallon city/40 highway).

The Predator motorcycle, looking rather uncomfortable to sit on, what with the seat being made out of a former seat warmer, is only for those with the spine to drive it. Which is ironic given that the thing runs on skulls and spines, a heady (sorry) blend of form and function.

Saw, Predator

The Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure (1985) motorcycle is all about stylin’ and profilin’ with streamers, a lion’s head horn and red stripes that scream, “I’ll race you to Hell and back – ha ha!” And I’m pretty sure the headlight shoots out hydrochloric acid and Oingo Boingo songs.

The Ghost Rider (2007) motorcycle, which burns fuel on the outside of the tank, can drive up the sides of buildings, opening up a world of available parking spaces.

Ghost Rider, Pee Wee's Big AdventureThe motorcycle in Terminator: Salvation (2009) is a Terminator turned into a bike, meaning if you ride it, you’re sitting on a Terminator’s face. One of you is gonna like it.

The lovely tattooed gal with at least two qualifications to star in Chopper, looks like she belongs on the cover of X-Rated Mattress Motorcycle Monthly. Her name? Does it matter?

Hot Chick, Terminator: Salvation

2 Responses to “Chopper: A Movie, A Motorcycle And A Career Choice”

  1. SpiralJon Says:

    Another delightful post! I’m greatly looking forward to spending the weekend catching up on my backlog of vile recommendations from Drinkin’ & Drive-In!
    In other news, are you familiar with Horror Remix? I went last night and it is a delightful blend of splatter and laughs…
    Check out horrorremix.com for more info. I think it’s right up your alley. Keep up the good work slogging through the gore-drenched trenches to find us these gems!

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