Ice, Ice, Baby: Snowbeast Rocks

He’s the hardest working man in snow business. Clearly someone who really likes what he does for a living (ripping the arms off people and then eating their face), Snowbeast has been conducting winter games as far back as 1954 (The Snow Creature), and headlining a half dozen more since. And not once has anyone been able to permanently kick Snowbeast in the ice hole.

The self-titled Snowbeast, released in 1977, finds our seasonal friend ripping the arms off people who dare tread on his tundra. Their faces were eaten. 2011’s Snowbeast, his latest star vehicle, finds our seasonal friend ripping the arms off people who dare tread on his tundra. Yep, their faces will be eaten. It’s a formula that works. Hey, if it’s not broken, why fix it?

But don’t take my word for it – here are the official plots…

SNOWBEAST (1977): A Colorado ski resort is besieged by a sub-human beast that commits brutal murders on the slopes.

SNOWBEAST (2011): A research team studies the Canadian Lynx every winter. But the lynx are missing. As the team try to find why, something stalks them – a predator no prey can escape.

Sure, Snowbeast looks like an albino gorilla wearing a monkey suit. That’s just to lure you into a false sense of security so he can rip your arms off. If you don’t know what happens next, put down this e-book and go to your room.

This sort of behavior could best be described as abominable and… Hey, that sounds like another cool name for Snowbeast! I’ll have to copyright it as I’m 100% sure no one’s thought of it before. I’m gonna be stinkin’ rich!