Tentacles Are A Girl’s Best Friend

The Corrupted, InfectionTwo more entries in the Ornate Orifice Series in which several new movies take average, run of the mill supermodels and gives them wiggly tentacles that shoot out their mouths.

Besides giving the impression both film companies have come up short in the idea department, wouldn’t the tentacles be more appropriate if they were located south of the belly button? At least that way you’d already well on your way to third base before a body part gets twisted off. To have icky tentacles, which are likely the cause of halitosis, blossoming out of the supermodel’s mouths gives you plenty of warning not to go there. Then again, eight beers, a shot or two, and some stimulating conversation about which bowling ball polish works best, and any octopus face woman starts looking like something date-worthy.

Infection: The Invasion Begins (2010) revolves around a small town that was wiped off the face of the Earth on September 9, 2009. It was if God himself used some serious two-ply on ’em. I don’t know anything about the town, but they probably deserved it, those a-holes. Sixty(!) years later, the only survivor, reveals what really happened, and that is The Modern Plague. (This is either non-alcoholic beer, politicians or both.)

In The Corrupted (2011), a supermodel walks out of the ocean wearing an environmentally appropriate micro bikini. She approaches a young recovering junkie dude playing something in the key of emo on an acoustic guitar. The chords sound like self-pity and he needs to be slapped. The woman says she wants to show him something. Advice to emo junkie: put the guitar down and go with the moment, even if she has tentacle breath. You’ll just think you’re having a relapse.

Tentacle Mouth

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