Cannibalism: The New South Beach Diet

GnawThe problem with cannibalism isn’t that it’s socially not cool and makes God super mad, but rather trying to floss human flesh out from between your molars. Man, that stuff is hard to remove. You’d think that vigorous brushing would do the trick, but it just doesn’t.

Gnaw, a new dark comedy horror movie now available for you to chew on (dang, that was funny), is all about the eating of flesh. Six entrees, uh, people head for the country for a little R&R (reckless retardation), and cross paths with a clan of cannibals who happen to not only be handy with a carving knife, but superb cooks as well. Yeah, I’m thinkin’ Texas Chainsaw Massacre, too.

GnawThe movie’s press release says that “What follows is a brutal battle for survival, complete with shocking carnage, killer twists, and graphic reasons to avoid UK cuisine forever.” I was never a fan of UK cuisine in the first place. Fish ’n chips wrapped in a newspaper? No wonder England is a Third World country.

Sure, it’s OK for zombies to eat skin, but when psychopaths do it, everyone freaks out. An unfortunate double standard we all have to live with.

Gnaw

 

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