A Book About The Living Dead? The F You Say!

The Complete History of The Return of the Living Dead Seems everyone is cashing in on zombies these days. An endless stream of living dead movies, clothing, novels, coloring books, Broadway plays, toys, snacks, costumes, Department of Licensing employees… I’m still trying to perfect my recipe for easily spreadable Zombie Butter, which goes great on whole wheat entrails and brain popcorn. Once that’s done, I’ll be freakin’ rich, and all because I did what everyone else is doing, which is using the dead to generate income.

The latest cash-in comes in the form of  a new coffee table book called The Complete History of The Return of the Living Dead (Plexus Publishing), written by Christian Sellers and Gary Smart. These guys dive face first into the Return of the Living Dead’s franchise history in what Bloodsprayer.com calls “an exhaustive study and appreciation of the films.”

Return of the Living DeadThere are five such morality-about-mortality plays in the series:

Return of the Living Dead (1985)
A medical supply guy and his new employee accidentally unleash a canister of Trioxin, which slowly turns them into the living dead and reanimates all the body parts in the warehouse. Burning the wiggling appendages in a nearby crematorium, the incinerator smoke mixes with the rain outside, which seeps into the local cemetery and brings the dead to life. You’d think this was a serious situation, but it’s actually quite funny – mostly because it’s them and not me.

Return of the Living Dead II (1988)
Survivors of the Trioxin leak try to keep their brains from being taste-tested by a small army of the undead. Good luck with that.

Return of the Living Dead 3 (1993)
A guy involuntarily kills his girlfriend in a motorcycle accident. It was love at first skid mark. He uses Trioxin to bring her back. The plan looked good on paper. In order to hold off the pain of being dead, she self-mutilates with glass, barb-wire, assorted cutlery and nails. Despite her condition, she’s still prom-worthy.

Return of the Living Dead 4: Necropolis (2005)
Teens try to convince a friend who works for an ill-intent corporation to quit and become a couch-surfing hippie like themselves. While doing so, they unleash zombies made so by a new energy drink called Trioxin 5 (all of the rush, none of the calories – unless you count eating brains loaded with saturated fat).

Return of the Living Dead 5: Rave from the Grave (2005)
Picks up where Return of the Living Dead 4: Necropolis left off, which was nowhere. A bunch of teens at a rave party (a festive occasion for all-night idiot dancing to the fresh beats of a vacuum cleaner) use Trioxin to spike the punch bowl. Do I really need to tell you how this turns out?

The Complete History of The Return of the Living Dead Says Sellers in Bloodsprayer.com’s cool interview, “ It intrigues me how something can grow from nothing and become a huge phenomenon, then just as quickly it becomes a victim of its own success and self-destructs.” (Save your comments for your solo album.) “The Return of the Living Dead has had a complicated past and it seemed the perfect subject matter, particularly as many of the fans disliked the sequels so much.”

The Complete History of The Return of the Living Dead Count me among the many who thought ROTLD 4 and 5 sucked medical waste. Then again, it’s kinda hard to top a semi-naked girl (she was wearing leg warmers) dancing on top of a grave and a punk rock zombie girl who perforates her own boobs to advance the story line and the mythology of the living dead.

The Complete History of The Return of the Living Dead can be purchased for $17.96 on Amazon.com. And you can bundle it with a barrel of Trioxin to take advantage of their super saver shipping costs. Sweet!

Return of the Living Dead 3

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