Hey – Let’s Resurrect The Dead!

Resurrect DeadThis one’s so weird, I don’t know what to make of it. Then again, I don’t know what to make of rap music or non-alcoholic beer, either. A sci-fi/horror (I think) movie called Resurrect Dead: The Mystery of the Toynbee Tiles is making the film festival rounds. Besides having a butt-scratchingly perplexing title, the movie itself is actually based on real stuff that’s been happening since the ’80s, when immortals like Huey Lewis and Journey ruled the pre-apocalyptic wastelands.

In major cities all over the United States and South America, cryptic tiled messages are literally under our very feet. An urban mystery, the floor tiles, when deciphered, say stuff like “In Toynbee Idea Resurrect Dead On Planet Jupiter.” My response: “Purple Monkey Dishwasher.” Meaning that whatever the message is, it makes about as much sense as crying politicians and exercising.

The movie revolves around some guy obsessed with these tiles. (He’s probably a rug salesman.) Collecting clues from the streets in the U.S. and South America, he discovers a back story so surreal as to blow one’s mind.

Resurrect DeadWikipedia™ even has some info on these tiles, which lends credence to this story, as everything on Wikipedia is 100% true: “The Toynbee Tiles (also called Toynbee Plaques) are messages of mysterious origin found embedded in asphalt in about two dozen major cities in the United States and four South American capitals. Since the 1980s, several hundred tiles have been discovered. They are generally about the size of an American license plate, but sometimes considerably larger. They contain some variation on the following inscription:

TOYNBEE IDEA
IN Kubrick’s 2001
RESURRECT DEAD
ON PLANET JUPITER

“Some of the more elaborate tiles also feature cryptic political statements or exhort readers to create and install similar tiles of their own. The material used for making the tiles was long a mystery, but evidence has emerged that they may be primarily made of layers of linoleum and asphalt crack-filling compound.”

Aha! Asphalt crack-filling compound. And where do we get such a miracle material? From Jupiter! (I found that on Wikipedia™ as well.) Clearly, there’s some heavy sh*t about to go down, possibly involving the fifth planet from the sun, and making the dead come back to life. I’ll keep my eyes on Wikipedia™ and get back to you with any late-breaking news.

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