Sharktopus – What’s Not To Love?

If you missed it last September (2010, in case you forgot) on the SyFy Channel™, you can quit crying and/or piecing it together on YouTube™, as Sharktopus is swimming to shore on March 15, 2011. It’ll be available on regular DVD and hi-def Blu-ray™…or should that be Deep Blu-ray™? Heh.

The Broadway creature is somewhat original, but the name is not. They took it from a 1999 episode of Futurama. If it pleases the court, I hereby submit the screenshot below as evidence…

A low-budget Roger Corman grinder, Sharktopus played to big ratings numbers last year on SyFy™. With that momentum, Corman just announced his next monster mash: Piranhaconda, a creature “with razor sharp teeth and 100 feet of constricting power.” Before you make a face that looks like you just smelled an egg salad fart, may I remind you that Corman was the guy behind Dinocroc vs. Supergator (2010) and Dinoshark (2010). If you’re doing the math, Corman cranked out all three in one year. What a slacker.

It doesn’t matter what the plot of Sharktopus is, because we don’t watch movies like this for artistic expression and the art of theatre. We wanna see loudly emoting people getting sucked to their watery grave by a creature that’s so comical as to be entertaining.

But if you insist on knowing the details, a half-shark/half-octopus has been genetically engineered for use in hand-to-tentacle combat. The Navy-commissioned contractors who designed Sharktopus take the creature out for a test spin, when it gets loose and heads to Puerto Vallarta. SPRING BREAK! Sharktopus, loaded on margaritas and peel ’n eat shrimp, goes el loco and tears up the beach and everyone on it. Later, Sharktopus relaxes by the pool while chomping down platters of soft-shell people tacos.

Aren’t you glad you asked? As for Piranhaconda, I’m guessing the plot is gonna be fairly similar. Just replace those who were eaten alive, slap on a new logo, whip up a quick computer-rendered monster that can growl underwater, and watch the ratings blow through the roof.

P.S. Not sure who designed the Sharktopus comic cover, which looks cooler than the movie, but the Sharktopus poster was created by Designosaurus-Rex. With a name like that he could be the inspiration for another Corman flick.