Monster Hunter, P.I.

Dylan DogHis name might sound like a comic book character because he is. Dylan Dog is a comic book supernatural private eye who tromps around the Louisiana bayou, looking for monsters, dressed in nothing more than his work clothes: a signature red shirt, black jacket, and blue jeans. I’m no bayou expert, but should’t Dylan wear something that can be easily cleaned afterward? The bayou might be a nice place to look at, but the place is basically a swampy mud hole loaded with stink beetles, raccoon gunk and whatever comes out of the exit door of monsters.

Based on the popular Italian horror comic series, the film version of Dylan Dog has him living in London and traveling the world, looking to bust monsters for crimes against humanity. Playing the iconic investigator is Brandon Routh, the guy who portrayed that dude from Krypton in Superman Returns (2006). That movie sucked polyester. And you know it did.

Dylan DogDylan Dog will no doubt have his case files full as he’s up against vampires, zombies, and werewolves, probably in that order. He’ll also have a girlfriend, which will make the plot as muddy as the bayou itself. Why can’t Dylan date one of those hot chicks from the X-Men? At least then he’d have someone who could join in the ass-kicking and not stand around and whine every time he tracks mud in the door.

Dylan DogDylan Dog’s other potential adversary might be Daredevil himself, for unlicensed use of his overlapping DD trademark. They should have Dylan battles vampires, zombies, werewolves and Daredevil in the Louisiana swamp. That would make a whole lot more sense. It does to someone who drinks regularly, someone not unlike myself, for illustrative example.

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