Outcast: Scottish Werewolves Without Leashes

OutcastMonster hunters have it rough. The hours are long (graveyard shift), the creatures they hunt are generally resentful of being relentlessly pursued and will eat your face off if given a chance, and they’re regarded as little more than meter maids with silver bullet loaded guns. Regardless, I should like to be one. Sure, the career path I’ve chosen is an honest trade (“Would you like fries with that?”). But just once I’d give anything to be able to pour gasoline on a creature of the night, light that flammable f*cker on fire, and boldly enunciate in voice meant for late night radio, “People of [insert beleaguered community here], you are safe once again!” Sigh.

The Monster Hunters in Outcast, a new Scottish horror movie about, um, hunting monsters get to do all of that and more. And their prey is a single mom and teenage son who move from town to town, trying to stay one step ahead of the gas can.

OutcastMary (mom) and Fergal (son with dingus name) move into a discount Edinburgh apartment complex. (Edinburgh’s the capital city of Scotland, where that guy from Star Trek comes from.) Mom’s a bit of a loon, and paints their new place in runic symbols with no shirt on. Hey, no one wants to get paint on their blouse, so cut her some slack. Fergal goes all Twilight for Petronella, the girl next door, also sporting a dingus name. All the while, mangled bodies are turning up, the result of the ultimate paper cut. And the Monster Hunter society is all like, “I’ll kill yooouuu!”

While some of this might sound cool (topless mom, paint), the advance reviews thus far aren’t exactly all thumbs up-py. Dread Central has this to say about Outcast: “It all comes down to one central problem: We never really know who the central characters are or where they’ve been or where they want to go. Ambiguity is one thing; being vague is something else entirely.”

I have yet to see Outcast, but besides the “meh” title, I see nothing wrong with being vague. Or topless. DC goes on to say that the monster “looks like a cross between Lamberto Bava’s Demons and The Incredible Hulk. As ridiculous as that sounds, this is not a bad thing.”

OutcastGood enough for me. As an armchair Monster Hunter, it is my duty to seek out monster movies in all its forms, be it a creature of the night who dispenses the ultimate paper cut, or a shirtless MILF with artistic skills and a background in the Dark Arts.

P.S. They stole the 2010 Wolf Man’s claw right off the screen. I’m tellin’.

The Wolf Man’s Hand

2 Responses to “Outcast: Scottish Werewolves Without Leashes”

  1. great writing was wondering if you could do a write up of my project BAYNE LEGACY

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