A Holiday Fleshtival

DismalNothing says “Happy Holidays” like cannibalism. An often overlooked Christmas tradition, eating a succulent rump roast awash in a savory rosemary gravy with a few seasonal sides, like roasted potatoes and broccolini, is not only part of our heritage, but a surprisingly tasty – and festive – celebration.

Perfect timing, then, for Dismal, an “all who you can eat” horror DVD set for release on December 21, 2010. And if you’re anything like me, your mouth is watering as we speak.

Dismal refers to the Great Dismal Swamp, a picturesque postcard of a murky waterway filled with giant crocodiles, discarded robots from an alien race dump run, and unsold cases of Zima™. OK, maybe not any of that, but definitely overrun with STINK BEETLES.

DismalDeep in the swamps woods is a dingy cabin, with hot and cold running pestilence and its tenant, a flesh hungry freak of nature. I’d bet anything he doesn’t have renter’s insurance. When some cliched college students (the jock, the overtly busty sex kitten, a regular boyfriend and girlfriend and the nerd) venture into the swamp to get a passing biology grade happen upon the bayou’s version of Ihop™, they’re invited to dinner – make that, invited to BE dinner – by the skin-savoring cabin dweller. Think of it as The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974), but with slightly better table manners. (The cannibal guy chews with his mouth closed.)

The movie’s website describes Dismal as “a stylish ’70s vision with a hot cast, plenty of action and enough twists and turns to keep the audience on the edge of their seat.” That’s fine, but I plan on watching it laying down on my couch. I won’t be anywhere near the edge. REGARDLESS, it’s been a while since my movie sweet tooth had some ’o those down home epidermis appetizers.

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