Sex, Drugs, Giants

Apocalypse, CABesides making you feel insignificant in the front of pants department, having sex with a 300 foot-tall woman has other drawbacks. For instance, to get her in the mood for a romantic feel-up encounter, it’s gonna facilitate maxing out at least three credit cards to pay for enough Jager Bomb cocktails to make her biologically attracted you. Secondly, foreplay could actually maim you. And if you manage to overcome these love obstacles and make it past second base, well, it’s been nice knowing you.

But what if that was a movie instead of one of your f’d up fantasies? Arriving sometime in 2011, which I believe is a year or two from now, is the intriguingly titled, Apocalypse, CA, which mixes comedy with horror, sci-fi with reality, sex with drugs, and a giant woman with an asteroid. I like where the movie producer’s head is at.

Here’s what I stole, um, re-purposed from the movie’s Facebook™ page…

“The world is doomed. Wry, cynical and full of off-beat humor, Apocalypse, CA is the story of ill-fated friends as they prepare for certain death at the hands of a massive asteroid, sex-inducing drugs, a 300 foot-tall giant, and a horde of other unfortunate problems. But it gets stranger.

Mysterious radio personality and apparent part-time genie, Sassy Boots takes it upon herself to grant John Parsons a few wishes five days before the world is to be destroyed by an asteroid. Only problem is John’s wishes aren’t exactly calculated, or even planned – the end result of which is a situation far worse than before.

Apocalypse, CAAccompanied by his brother Hank, Hank’s friend Renee and John’s childhood crush Jacklyn, John and friends take the high road to Palm Springs – otherwise known as the epicenter – where the asteroid will first strike Earth. John and friends learn a little more about life and each other, all leading up to a wild climax of booze, fantasy, and guns-a-blazin’ desert adventure.”

I get the booze and guns-a-blazin’ stuff, but learning a little more about life and friends as a civilization-ending meteor is about to turn everyone into photons, is like cramming for a test. But hey, I’ll roll with it, especially if the giant woman’s clothes don’t expand along with her growth spurt. If they don’t, I at least hope her shoes match her end-of-the-world ensemble. Anything else would be a gigantic fashion faux pas.


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