Parasites: The New Diet Plan

ParasiticThere are two kinds of parasites: the kind that get in your body and make you poo in your pants, and ones that get into other people’s bodies and still make you poo in your pants, this time with laughter, because it’s happening to someone else and not you. If viral infection isn’t the very definition of entertainment, I don’t know what is.

Parasitic is a new independent horror movie still in production as of this writing (Tuesday, 5:07PM) that explores these concepts. A meteor from space crash lands into Tampa Bay, which I believe to be quite a ways from where I live, so it doesn’t upset me. A supermodel chick bartender eats some fish that happened to be in the water the meteor landed in. Later, she gets sick to her stomach and all dinner breaks loose. Not sure I’m seeing the connection. (Hey, given how much crap we’ve been pumping into our waterways and tributaries, I’m surprised more people aren’t shouting at their shoes after eating our ocean friends.)

ParasiticA space-borne virus mutates into a turd worm, grows inside the woman’s body, and exits through the new hole in her throat, thereby making a splattery entrance into the nightclub everyone seems to be trapped in. Can they survive the night and defeat the creature and go back to dancing to robo-house music designed to give you epilepsy? God, I hope so.

I also hope Parasitic comes out (no pun intended) before the end of the year, because this sounds like just the thing to cure my chronic viral stomach infections and tainted seafood addiction.

 

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