Archive for June, 2010

A Zombie By Any Other Name…

Posted in Zombies with tags on June 11, 2010 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

They’re called The Walking Dead because zombies don’t jog. Makes sense. AMC has green-lighted six episodes of The Walking Dead, a feel-good zombie adventure based on the popular black and white comic series (2003) of the same name by Robert Kirkman. Six episodes seems a lot, given that zombies are a one punch-line joke. (They wander around and snack on the living. So what? I do that all the time.)

Most of the story is centered on Atlanta police officer Rick Grimes (cool name) and a small group of survivors who wander around, looking for a safe place to hang out and not get taste-tested by the…WALKING DEAD. There’s a sub-plot involving “the Govenor,” who, while not a zombie, is a different kind of monster, locking it up Rick and his group and making a bad day even worse. Then there are the cannibals, who also eat human flesh, but aren’t official zombies. (When they bite you it freakin’ hurts, but you’ll remain one of the living. Unless said cannibal eats your face off. Then not so much.)

There are several kinds of zombies in this one: “Roamers,” who actively pursue anything that makes a noise and looks like dinner. (I feel plagiarized.) Then there are “Lurker” zombies, who are lazy and just wait for dinner to come to them. I know lots of these types of people. You can avoid being snack-packed by the walking dead by rubbing the essence of zombie on your skin and Old Navy™ pants. OK, ick. But when in Rome/Atlanta…

You’ll need to have a TV in order to watch this series, which debuts in October (2010, duh) during AMC’s annual Fearfest. While the zombie genre is getting overloaded, now that everyone with a Best Buy™ consumer-grade video camera has been making living dead YouTube™ movies over the last ten years, The Walking Dead might be worth some couch time as it’s being handled by Frank Darabont, the guy who did the superior movie adaptions of Stephen King’s The Green Mile and the way cool The Shawshank Redemption.

Note to Frank: PLEASE put me in this TV show. I’ll even pay you. And no, don’t cast me as a survivor. I wanna be one of the zombies to show everyone I can eat flesh as good as the next dead guy.

Belle of the Balls

Posted in Scream Queens with tags on June 10, 2010 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Famed adult thespian Belladonna, star of screen and mattress, has been optioned for the decidedly low-budget horror movie Stripped, which follows three young boys trapped in a house with a family of malevolent women. Sounds like a re-boot of Leave it to Beaver.

In a press release from Wildworks Productions, the project’s production company, Belladonna is described as a “dream choice” for the role of Ginger, a newcomer to the household of sadistic women who make up the movie’s band of antagonists.

“She has an innate openness and warmth that you can’t help but be drawn to,” says first time director John Wildman of Bella.

Innate openness and warmth. The same qualities she boldly exhibited in her previous films Back 2 Evil, Weapons of Ass Destruction and the pillow-biting My Ass Is Haunted. (I’m sensing a theme here.)

Belladonna has starred in over 250 adult films. Pick one and dive in.

The Splice Girls

Posted in Science Fiction with tags on June 10, 2010 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Japanese and Russian one-sheets for Splice, a heartwarming story about playing God and not quite getting it right, are far more enticing and revealing than their prudish American counterparts. The Russian poster in particular actually shows a bare breast, which as we all know causes social discord if seen publicly here in the States.

It also shows other parts of Dren, the sorta female science experiment. But if you’ve seen the movie, you can’t decide if she needs to go in Popular Science™ or Playboy™. I think she belongs on my laboratory wall. The poster version, anyway. And to think all this time I wasn’t that attracted to bald test tube chicks with stinger tails, rat legs and artificial lady lumps.

The Big Tits Zombie

Posted in Scream Queens, Zombies with tags , on June 10, 2010 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

There is no way in HELL I’m gonna miss this Japanese horror movie. As I’m sure it’s busting out (sorry) with well-rounded actresses (sorry again), it’s Big Tits Zombie’s mesmerizing plot that has my mouth watering: Bored strippers venture into the basement of the entertainment factory they “dance” at, and find the Book of the Dead. (So THAT’S where I left it!) In a surprise twist, the strippers know how to read, and invoke the dead. Now those stiffs are popping up (I’m really sorry) all over the world, with no 1’s with which to tip. (Oh, c’mon – you knew I was gonna fit that in here eventually.)

Two of the strippers, or “topless performance artists” are bitten by the zombies, which turns them into flesh eaters. And because one of ’em has gravity-independent knock-knocks, she ascends to the throne of Queen of the Zombies and sets out to recruit unaffiliated zombies to join her super fun happy club. Now it’s the unclothed versus the undead. Bonus – it’s in 3-D! (Or would that be Triple D? Heh.)

This thing just keeps getting better and better.

The Big Tit Zombie is Takao Nakano’s film adaptation of Rei Mikamoto’s cult manga, Kyonyo Dragon. Like that makes any difference in the world.

The DVD cover on the top right says The Big Tits Dragon. Either or, I’m NOT missing it. If I had a nipple for every time I said that…

Gamera vs. Barugon

Posted in Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Classic Horror, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on June 9, 2010 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Gamera, the world’s coolest turtle (if you don’t count that one from Doctor Doolittle), is having his entire wardrobe upgraded. Already refurbed and re-released by Shout! Factory is Gamera: The Giant Monster. Next one up is Gamera vs. Barugon, in which Gamera, guardian of the universe, takes on a giant monster called Barugon, who has a freezing tongue ray and another ray that shoots rainbows out of his back. Harsh, yet cool.

Gamera vs. Barugon was already released on Blu-ray™ in Japan in July of 2009. But that version is in some sort of foreign language, with no clickable buttons to choose English sub-titles. That’s just madness.

Look for all of Gamera’s movies (nine in all, I believe) to be released between now and 2011 – if Barugon doesn’t destroy the freakin’ Earth before then.