Book of 1000 Deaths

Book of 1000 Deaths

You’d think a Book of 1000 Deaths would have more pages. An indie horror anthology featuring four stories and the 24 year-old dipped-in-ink porn amateur Misti Dawn (I bet that’s not her real name) as the Lila the Legend Teller (groan), Book of 1000 Deaths looks better on the surface than it does under the cover(s).

In The Clown Statue, a baby-sitter is targeted by a serial killer dressed up as a clown of all things. That’s just wrong as clowns are supposed to bring joy and happiness to the world. Killer clowns are SO not cool. (Quit yawning, there’s three more stories to go.)

Kidney Jacking is pretty much what it sounds like. A girl finds her boyfriend in bed with someone not herself, and goes to a bar and lets some other dude take her home because this shore up her poor self-esteem. She wakes up the next morning on the ultimate wet spot – an ice-filled bathtub. The kicker: her kidneys are missing. (I bet she left ’em in the bar along with her cell phone right before alcohol worked its rational magic.)

Book of 1000 Deaths

Bloody Mary involves six 20-nothings who invoke the legendary witch. They accomplish this by first drinking cups of refreshing adult beverages and then playing the game, which is pretty darn similar to how you’d drunk dial Candyman. They’re successful and Bloody Mary appears to kill them all and… Wait – come back! There’s one more…

The Man, The Myth The Legend is about two guys. Vince is highly successful with the ladies. Nate just got kicked to the curb by his girlfriend. Going to a party, Vince thinks he’ll be the real lady killer tonight. Not so fast, Romeo – Briggs, the real lady killer, just showed up. So, like, run Vince, run.

In-between all this crotch-gripping horror, Lila the Legend Teller pops up to to make joke-y comments on the killings. (Did Elvira give you permission to do this?) Book of 1000 Deaths comes up 996 short, so I’m thinking false advertising.

Hey, Misti/Lila/whoever you are – don’t quit your day job. Whatever that is.

One Response to “Book of 1000 Deaths”

  1. Anonymous Says:

    hell yea

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