36th Annual Saturn Awards

Saturn Awards

Now in their 36th year, The Academy of Science Fiction, Fantasy & Horror Films is holding its annual Saturn Awards and have listed their nominees for best blah, blah, blah in the science fiction, fantasy and horror genres. And nowhere is there a category that nominates me for anything. That sucks. The presentation ceremony, which I haven’t been invited to, is being held on June 24th, 2010 in some place called “Burbank.” (That sounds so made up.)

Here’s what films, or “movies” are up for the year’s best…

BEST SCIENCE FICTION FILM
AVATAR (20th Century Fox)
Good flick. Made one trillion dollars at the box office. Will probably smear the competition.

THE BOOK OF ELI (Warner Bros.)
There wasn’t anything remotely science fiction about this movie, so why is it being nominated? Is it because the film takes place in the future? Since when is the future “science fiction”?

KNOWING (Summit Entertainment)
Didn’t see it. But someone’s gotta lose.

MOON (Sony Pictures Classics)
An unusual sci-fi film, smart and different. Why is it here? Because the moon is in it? I thought the moon was pretty much science fact by now.

STAR TREK (Paramount)
Best. Star Trek. Ever. In a fair and just world, this would win. But Avatar made more money, so…

TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN
(Paramount)
That thing sucked future butt. The title says it all.

X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE (20th Century Fox)
Kick ass movie from start to finish. But was it fiction?

BEST HORROR FILM
THE BOX (Warner Bros.)
Didn’t see it as it did not look like a horror movie to me. I could be wrong. But I rarely am, so…

DRAG ME TO HELL (Universal)
And it did. I thought the exorcism scene was a stand-up comedy routine with projectile vomiting.

FROZEN (Anchor Bay Films)
This was barely released in theaters. They must have someone on the inside workin’ the angles.

THE LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT (Rogue/Universal)
Nothing even comes close to this knock-out punch. Best of this and any batch that dares calls itself horror.

THE TWILIGHT SAGA: NEW MOON (Summit Entertainment)
Horror? Really?

ZOMBIELAND (Sony)
The first 10 minutes were better than most of the entire zombie movies made in the last several years.

BEST FANTASY FILM
HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE
(Warner Bros.)
The darkest Potter yet. Not the best, but certainly in the Top 7.

THE LOVELY BONES (Paramount)
Brilliant, grim, tense, surreal. These bones are definitely lovely. This better win.

THE TIME TRAVELER’S WIFE (Warner Bros.)
Didn’t see it. I tried, but had the wrong day in time.

WATCHMEN (Warner Bros.)
I didn’t realize Watchmen was fantasy. While it had to be one of the more confusing movies of last year, its probably better served in science fiction.

WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE (Warner Bros.)
Gimme a break.

There’s more categories and filler crap, but these are pretty much the high notes. If you count some of the nominees as being as such. I don’t. But then, that’s why I’m not on the nominating committee. If I was, there’d be no way in hell that dumbass Twilight series would make it through the front door.

Saturn Awards. Hmppf. They should call it Uranus Awards.

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