What We’re Working On During Commercials

Wassup?

It’s so hard to get anything done when there are so many good shows on TV. Nevertheless, here’s where we’re at with all things Splat… (Hey, that rhymes – we should start a rap band!)

• ManSplat #43 is well into its construction phase. Just finished several more articles about heavy metal, sharks, boobies and waffles. This stuff is pure gold and will no doubt win us awards or something.

• Drinkin’ & Drive-in Vol. 3 – our third book of “horror, Sci-fi and beer” movie reviews – is well underway as well. Probably not gonna call it Vol. 3 because that seems so predictable. Probably titling it something along the lines of “The Really New Testament” or “How We Wasted Years Of Our Lives.” Our first two books are still available on Amazon.com, but you probably won’t buy ‘em. No one ever does. Crap.)

• ManSplat.com – our website – is undergoing a visual transformation. Yes, we’re gonna make it look cool. No, we’re not gonna post articles from past issues. Why? Because ManSplat was not conceived as a digital publication. We’re old school – paper or nothing. That, and we just like stomping our carbon footprint all over the place. When will this be uploaded? At the same time Splat #43 hits the streets. Duh.

So there. Now you can sleep at night knowing we’re not slacking/jacking off, and that we take this whole “publishing” thing semi-seriously. (Since we can’t get chicks, we may as well still act like journalistic big shots.)

Lastly but not leastly: Since we shut down our MySpace page, we’ve been getting e-mails via our website. If you don’t have it, here’s our contact portal: editor@mansplat.com

- The Splat Crew

P.S. How do you say, “You’re bending it” in Spanish?

Consolidation Nation

Time to deal with all the rumors you’ve been seeing on TMZ about us…

1. WE’RE SHUTTING DOWN OUR MYSPACE PAGE
True. MySpace is a big waste of time and has done nothing to further our status as sexual tyrannosaurus’. The original goal was to introduce ourselves to a wider audience and to possibly drum up some new paid advertisers. In four years we got two ads. Logistically speaking, we wasted a helluva lot of time on MySpace.

2. WE’RE RE-DESIGNING OUR WEBSITE
True. It looks cool now. But it’ll look cooler when we’re done.

3. WE’RE WORKING ON THE NEW ISSUE OF MANSPLAT
True. We had hoped to get a new issue done before summer, but when our new bar – The Feedback Lounge [www.feedbacklounge.net] – opened on April 25th – it set off a chain reaction of daily responsibilities and garbage-taking-out. Now that we’ve settled into a rhythm of sorts, we’re back to writing.

4. WE’RE STARTING A FACEBOOK PAGE
False. [see "Myspace"] No reason to do the same thing we were doing with MySpace, although ManSplat editor Jeff Gilbert maintains a Facebook page for his own egotistic pursuits. (You can find him by doing a search using his name. Just type in “bonehead”. OK, not really. But realistically that should work.)

5. WE’RE SHUTTING DOWN MANSPLAT AFTER THE NEXT ISSUE.
False. Paid advertisers are near-to-non-existent, which means publishing ManSplat without ‘em is a highly-expensive proposition. Rather than shut the doors, we’ll eat the cost, but just print fewer copies. And we won’t be able to distribute what we do print to all the places we’ve done in the past. Beats the alternative. You’ll still be able to get a copy mailed to you, though. You pay for mailing, postage and the envelope and we make all of your dreams come true.

6. THE BEST OF MANSPLAT IS GONNA COME OUT AS A COFFEE TABLE BOOK
False. We looked into it. Numerous times, in fact. Even went so far as to contact printers in Japan, Thailand and Korea (the good side) to get a better deal. Turns out we can’t afford it. We’d have to order a minimum of 10,000 books to get the price-break. As cool as we think we are, it’s highly-doubtful we’d be able to sell 100 copies, let alone 10,000.

7. “BEST OF MANSPLAT” HAS BEEN SHELVED.
False. We’ll still do it, just not as a glossy coffee table book. Likely it will be in the same newspaper format, only with 200 pages. And it won’t be for free. We’ll have to charge for it as printing costs for a 200-page tabloid is akin to putting a down-payment on a Hyundai.

8. SEVERAL SPLAT EDITORS HAVE LEFT AND THERE ARE OPENINGS FOR WRITERS.
False. ManSplat still has the same three guys working on it as we did 16 years ago. And we don’t have outside writers contribute because they have germs and are icky.

9. BACK ISSUES ARE AVAILABLE.
True and False. Most of the back issues have been bought up by investment brokers. OK, not really. But we have very few left. We’ll keep a few issues of each for the archives and sell off the rest. $5 gets you several copies, an envelope and a used stamp.

10. MANSPLAT SHIRTS ARE STILL AVAILABLE.
True. We have a pile of Splat shirts that sell for $10 each. All sizes except small in men’s style.

So there you have it. Some good news, some heart-wrenchingly bad news. How you deal with it defines the kind of person you are.

Need to contact us? Go to www.mansplat.com and start clicking on links like a madman. Or e-mail us at: editor@mansplat.com

Thanks, and sleep well.

-The Splat Crew

Where The Heck Have We Been?

Um, seems like actually forgot about this here “blawg” once we got our bar (The Feedback Lounge”) open for business (in West Seattle). Who knew running a business demanded our attention every single day of our lives? Why can’t our customers run it? Yeesh – wish we knew that stuff before we committed to all that “cleaning” and “ordering of stock” and “paying taxes.”

So here’s where the next issue of ManSplat sits. We have begun assembling the articles (and even wrote a few). We have a rippingly hot new Miss Splat. We have our cover girl. We have more music to review than we know what to apply verbs and nouns to. So when will it come out? This year. Not specific enough? Blame it on our bar. We’re HOPING to get the darn thing done by the end of summer (of this year). Which means there’s a lot to get done over the next few weeks.

Needless to say, we haven’t forgot about putting ManSplat out, even though we forgot about this blog dealie. Our bad. So send in your comments/letters/twitters and we’ll get back to work on it. 

Go spit on something. But not our car. You might wash some of the seagull crap off it.

Cheers,

The Splat Crew

ManSplat Update #1,000,000

Alas…

As the Splat Crew moves closer to the opening date of the Feedback Lounge, our new full-service bar (with free parking and napkins), we thought we’d take a sec to update you on the status of the next issue of MANSPLAT. [insert imaginary orchestral embellishments here]. 

The Feedback Lounge opens in April, 2009 and then work begins on the next issue. After long hours of sipping refreshing adult beverages we decided it would be quicker to put out a regular version instead of the grand, multi-paged “Best Of,” which would’ve taken far more time to pull off. That, and we’re FREAKIN’ LAZY.

So what’s in the upcoming Splat? Um, not sure yet, although we do have a pile – and by pile, we mean load – of stuff we couldn’t find space for in the last issue. Are we accepting any contributions? Nothing editorial, but we’ll gladly take your cash. 

At any rate, we’re still publishing despite the gloomy economic forecast, evaporating ad sales and an epidemic of unwashed pants. That said, the last two covers were in color. Not the next one as we can’t afford it. (We’re so poor, we can’t even pay attention.) But it WILL be publishing and you WILL want one. Or two. 

Feel free to contact us via our website: www.mansplat.com or on MySpace: www.myspace.com/mansplat. (No, we’re not on Twitter or Facebook.)

So rock hard, ride free and don’t spit on anything.

The Splat Crew

ManSplat Millennium

Yeah, it’s been a while since we’ve “blogged.” Then again, we blog in our pants almost ev-very day. [Inset "eewww" here]

That declared, the reason for the delay is that we, the editors of ManSplat, are opening a cocktail sipping place in West Seattle called, the Feedback Lounge. You can visit us on MySpace until we get our new website up: www.myspace.com/feedbacklounge. We’ll be a rock bar, not a club (more on that later – it involves city ordinances, which are as annoying and painful as untended jock itch).

The place will be loaded with cool rock memorabilia and booze (not necessarily in that order). And talk about surprises - you’ll just wet yourselves when you see what we have in store on an ongoing basis.

There’s also tons of free parking and we’ll be open from 4PM ’til 2AM every day of the week, though we might open for weekend lunch and breakfast earlier in the day. (Don’t quote us on that – city ordinances once again). We’ll launch a Feedback Lounge blog so you can keep up on all of our events.

You say you’d like to buy one of our cool Feedback Lounge shirts? They’re only $15.00 + $2.50 shipping. We have all sizes in men and women. Hoodies coming soon. (Zippered because chicks told us they don’t want to get their hair messed up. Makes sense when you think about it.) View said fashion statement on our MySpace page.

We’re looking to the get the super mega official Feedback Lounge happy slide website up soon (January 2009) to coordinate with the launch of our new undertaking. We’ll announce when it’s up and running: Come by for a visit – you’re not gonna believe what we’ve done to the place.

More questions? E-mail us: editor@mansplat.com

Drinkin’ & Drive-in: Horror, Sci-fi, Beer Vol. 2

The follow-up to our phenomenally underwhelming Drinkin’ & Drive-in horror/sci-fi movie reviews book has just arrived. You may now get off those pins and needles you’ve been sitting on. Vol. 2 delves deeper into classic horror and sci-fi, with hundreds of insightful (i.e., inebriated) takes on all that stuff from the ’40s, ’50s, some ’60s, a lot of ’70s and a plethora of ’80s. And we’re not done yet.

Drinkin’ & Drive-in: Vol. 3, however, will take full aim at all the craptacular independently-made genre movies, and will boggle the mind as to how we can sit through hundreds of hours of stuff like “Barn of the Blood Llama,” “Gorgoyles” and “Cadaverella.” No need to thank us; It’s what we do.

Yeah, you need to own the first two books. They’re $12.99 each or $25.98 for both. Throw in $2.50 shipping and you’ve got a deal. Send your fun bones to: Hairball Media, 4742 42nd Ave. SW, PMB 515, Seattle, WA 98116. And both “must reads” are now available online at Amazon.com. Order ‘em today while it’s still fresh in your mind.

Now that we’re officially big-time authors, you should, like, worship us ‘n stuff. Just sayin’.

Yours in Rock,
The Splat Crew

Who Be ManSplat

ManSplat magazine is a free pop culture tabloid publication, in print since 1995. And when we say free, only in Seattle, Tacoma and the less stinkier parts of Portland, Oregon. Outside of those postcard-esque areas, $5 a copy (which also gets you some additional stuff that you may or may not put up for grabs on eBay).

So you could either buy a gallon of gas for $5, or get the latest issue (and a back issue or two) of ManSplat, which goes a lot further than four quarts of unleaded: Hairball Media, 4742 42nd Ave. SW, PMB 515, Seattle, WA 98116. Visit us at: www.mansplat.com and www.myspace.com/mansplat